Magnanimous

When I gave her my heart
It did not seem important
It would never again be mine.

I suppose I thought the matter
Of a heart
Such an intangible
That the notion
Of its absence
Seemed unimportant.

I could not have been more mistaken.

I placed my heart in her care.
For a brief time
She cherished it
Proved careful with it.
I felt no alarm.
No alarm at all
Until her fateful call
With those prescient words
“We need to talk.”

That never bodes well.

Her child needed her
Biological father.
Her family needed to be whole
Intact
The way it used to be.

How could I refute that?

I did not dispute her.
I did not resist.
I could not be the one
To destroy a home
In which there was still
Hope.

I wanted her to be successful.
If there was a chance
For happiness
With an intact family
Including a
Daddy and a Mommy
Then that's what I wanted
For her.

How damned magnanimous of me.

She kissed me goodbye
With the finality
Of a coup de gra^ce.

She drove away
Crested the hill
And I never saw her again.

She gave me back
The little sweater I bought her
The book I gave her.

But she kept the one thing I most needed.
She kept my heart.

My Lessening Years

Gliding across my lathered face
This morning
The razor skimmed over
A hollowing
In my cheeks.

I had not noticed
This feature
In my reflection.
Ever.
Not in sixty-one years.

Toweling dry
I reflected this must be
The necessary
Lessening
To which man is subject.

Tomorrow
Or the next day
Or day beyond that
I will discover yet another
Small reminder that I, too
Am stalked by
The Shadow with scythe.

Until he and I are
Formally introduced
Coffee will be as rich
Rum as heady
The breeze as fragrant
Music as tuneful
And the embrace of love
As passionate
As when I was a teen.

No.
That is not right.
I must correct that.

Every detail of life
From coffee to sex
From the blush of dawn
To the ink of midnight
Will be better
And better.
And even better.

Value
We must understand
Cannot be had by the abundance
Of things
But by their rarity.

So, tomorrow
When I shave
And behold the narrowing
Of my aging face
I will not bemoan
My lessening years.

I will laugh.

Something Less

Between shadow and sky
Crickets chirp
Mourning doves decry
The fading day
And winds sift
Both grass and weed
The feathery down
On the duck’s back
And the light hair along my arm.

I slowly sip the strong tea
In my cup
As slowly as the sun eases
To earth
As slowly as memory
Plays along the pathways
Of my mind.

I struggle to resist
Memories looping my brain
Reviving images
Calculated to mix
Pleasure and pain
The joys of past kindnesses
And the ragged edge of loss.

There will always be
Shadow and sky
Pleasure and pain.
To kick against one
Is to deny yourself the other.

I need something stronger
Than tea tonight.
But I also need something less
Than truth.

The Purchase of Your Smile

Would dinner and a movie
Entertain you?
Make you feel special?

Would a bouquet of roses
Bring you to smile?
Perhaps a new dress?
That would require
Sparkling jewelry
To dangle from
Your ears
To grace your
Delicate throat.

I suspect
A new dress
And bright jewelry
Necessitate a new purse
And shoes.

We now are
Within the four digit price
For that smile I seek.

We must not forget dinner
And a show.

But with that beautiful dress
New necklace
Earrings
Purse and shoes
We cannot dine in a restaurant
Featuring a drive-thru
And plastic straws.
We must find an establishment
Worthy of your finery.

And the show cannot come with
Popcorn!
It must come complete
With a wine and cheese intermission
In an exclusive downtown theater.

The price has
Soared!
All for
The purchase of your smile.

Honey
We have been together a
Long time.

Had I the coin
I would buy you all this
And more.

Perhaps some day
I may buy your grin.
Today I am
A poor man.

I suppose we must make do
With grocery store flowers
Dinner at Fridays
And a flick at the cinema.

But the amazing thing
My darling
My dear
Is that every day
You offer me your smile
For free.

I Am a…..

I am a warrior
Prepared for the struggle
Ready for the fight.

I am a lover
Eager for the encounter
Desiring intimacy.

I am an arbiter
Trained for negotiation
Hoping for resolution.

I am an educator
Imparting knowledge
Training minds.

I am a poet
Sculpting words
Designing thoughts.

I am a dreamer
Wanting glory
Needing to achieve.

I am a student
Learning life
Discovering truth.

I am a failure
Lacking wisdom
Unsure of myself.

I am a work in progress
Growing in understanding
And asking for time.

A Slow Unraveling

Bathed in morning light
She lounges against pillows
Long hair draping her shoulders
Her white gown closed
But untied at the waist.

Between us swirl a cosmos
Of bright things
Caught in morning rays.

The taste of coffee lingers
On her lips
Rich and roasted.

Strands of silken hair
Smooth under my hand
As my fingers cup an ear
The way a child’s might
A conch shell
Swept to sand by the surf.

In the iris of her eyes
Brown flecks are caught
Like small things trapped
In amber
Eternities ago.

This morning will be
A slow unraveling
As I separate the layers
Of her alabaster body
Into the core
Of her volcano heart
Into her molten center
And the fierce ardor
That bids me welcome.