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Thursday, January 24, 2019

Questions Unanswered

Were my arms long enough
And she a distant star
Would I reach out
To pluck her
From the cold heavens
To embrace her once more
As in days as forgotten
As vibrant spring
Searing summer
Brilliant autumn
Or colorless winter?

Were my heart soft enough
And she a drifting sojourner
Would I offer her
Safe lodging
For a chill night
And lightening streaked skies?

Were I true enough
Would I turn around
To search for her
Knowing the futility
Of unwinding years
Peeling away
The truth and the lies
Common to love
And lost hearts?  

Sweetest Fruit

It was a ’68 Nova
With a 350 Chevy small block.
Solid gold tunes
Gushed from the speakers
In the doors and dash.

I was 17 again
Seven feet tall
And bullet proof.
There was nothing
I did not know
Or was incapable
Of doing.

In seconds that sparkling car and I
Was airborne.
We were as one
That Nova and I.

The air was morning fresh
And the aroma of earth
Filled my nostrils.

Oh, my Lord
But wasn’t it a remarkable dream!

Those memories are deeply etched
And come as fresh as
Strong coffee
Morning sex
Or mist rising from the fields.

It must be more than ’68 Novas
Or childish plans.
Or speed.
More than music.

Whatever “it” is
It taps the soul’s deepest chamber
And mines the heart’s finest ore.
 
I cling to
And cherish the moment
And hope again
For one last touch
Of life’s sweetest fruit…
Life
Youth
And Freedom.

Waiting for a Chord

Waiting for a Chord

I am w
aiting for a chord
A mysterious strain of music
A key to a lock
I have never discovered.

I cannot know
How or why
This ephemeral chord
Exists.

But it does.

Even now
It is drifting in the cosmos
Among gas planets
And flashing novas.

It is winging through
Desert canyons
And the timberlines
Of alpine crests.

It is plying
With the rhythm of commerce
Down avenues
Broad and wide
Through alleys
Dank and dismal.

The magic chord
Is traveling to my ear.

When it finds me
I will rise
In glorious fashion
Clean and new.

Monday, January 14, 2019

The Crazy Me

The Crazy Me

I went crazy.
I chased
And was chased.
I caught
But was not caught.

I knew where the shadows lay.
I knew the difference
Between a dead end alley
And a thoroughfare.

I understood the difference
Between a kiss
And a promise.

I never cried
And I never honored tears.

Tears are to a woman
As flame is to an arsonist.

I had my crazy years.
I had my reasons.

Reasons are to a woman
What scat is to a bear.

The Crazy Me
Lurks within this button down shirt
Creased slacks
And shiny boots.

Oh, yes
The Crazy Me is suppressed
But alive.

He is to me
What truth is to her.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Mutually Assured Destruction


The most profound
Memory of the blast
Is not in its enormity of sound.
Nor is it the yellow-orange heat
From its searing core.
It is, rather, its concussive impact.

An enormous hand
With bolt-like quickness
Dug the heel of its hand
Into my sternum
Within milliseconds.
My breath was exported
Like millions of tiny miners
Exploiting my lungs of their
Precious breath.

Within my skull
The concussion bounced my grey matter
From side to side
Up and down
Until my place in the universe
Was uncertain.

There are social equivalents.

Her goodbye was
Explosive.
My breath
My heart and mind
Were compressed
With unmitigated authority
Of enormous proportions
Until I was devoid of reason
And I was disarmed
Shoved into the soil
Left for dead.

Never to return
She observed
And quantified my destruction
In order to, I suppose
Learn to develop
A better bomb
With which to exact more extensive ruin
To another target on a distant day.

I recovered, slowly.
There are lessons from the blast.

Never disregard shadows.
Do not walk too quickly.
Look around always.
Step lightly, but when committed, step certainly.
Listen carefully to your footsteps
To environmental resonance.

Had I done so
Those misapprehended triggers may have warned me.

I am whole and well
But I live within the moment.

The concussive application
Of even a kiss
Is fraught with the potential
Of mutually assured destruction.  

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

the checklist

if depression...

is sleeping 18 hours a day
is forgetting to eat
is knowing nothing tastes good anyway
is taking a shower based on the calendar
is walking 2 blocks to avoid a 3 min. conversation
is having endless violent, sweaty nightmares
is watching TV and not knowing what you saw
is swearing so bad the dog avoids you
is needing coffee but not going downstairs to pour it
is wishing the calendar went from Dec. 23 to Dec. 26
is starring into the dark and seeing faces to hell and gone
is avoiding every mirror
is checking your phone and glad no one has called
is driving on fumes just 'cuz you don't wanna get out of the truck
is reading Poe for laughs
is wearing orange with purple 'cuz you don't give a damn
is not washing the truck since this time last year
is having a calendar dating 2016
is not renewing your driver's license or the Reader's Digest
is gazing at a cemetery longingly
is telling your doc things you'll regret
is apologizing to the angels for having to watch you
is finding creative ways to fake it til (if) you shake it
is looking for any excuse to disengage
is cussing your wife when she says 'snap out of it'
is listening endlessly to Chris Stapleton's 'Broken Halos'
is forgetting what 'good' felt like...

then, yeah. I may be a little blue. How are you?

Monday, December 17, 2018

The Best Line From a Great Song...

"In my heart, you pay no rent."  ~~ Turnpike Troubadours

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

all the way over

gonna take off these boots
when i reach that
red rock road.
gonna toughen the soles
of these too-soft feet
and get Arkansas's
ancient soil
between my toes.

gonna let the midday heat
beating down
and waving up
drench me in southern sweat.
gonna lift my hands
to confederate-grey skies
and let the weight of years
exact its toll of debt.

gonna sigh from my heart
and bleed from my soul
when i cross that
Arkansas line.
gonna weep for the memory
of the living and the dead
considering the thin-braided coil
that connects us to time.

gonna wash my feet
cool my brow
and anoint my wounds
when i get to Jordan's banks.
gonna walk on Jordan's tide
all the way over
to the promised land
shouting loud the offering of my thanks!


Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Low Hanging Fruit

A heavy dew coats
All the naked twigs
And spikes of dead, brown grass
With a silver frosting.
Even the air is saturated
And at first, stings the lungs
With the first breath
Of early day.

Upstairs in my home
My freshly made bed
Is still warm
And I fight the urge
To return to its safe folds.

Thinly clad bodies
Huddle within newspaper blankets
Lie upon cardboard mattresses.
They dwell under railroad bridges
And tree lines along the river.

An old drag queen I'd befriended
Had lived this way for years.
I'd tried to help him enroll
In the Rescue Mission
And later paid his first month's rent
On a new apartment.
But by winter, Queenie was once again
Homeless.

We'd had many conversations
About hypothermia
And the risks of young toughs
Who rolled those alone and sick.
Low hanging fruit.
Alone and vulnerable.

We buried Queenie in a service
Attended by the few friends he had.
A roving gang beat him senseless
Broke his legs
Then set him afire
Beneath a dark trestle.

As beautiful as the frost is
My thoughts return to Queenie.
It's the ones who die
That grip my memory.
Any success stories are lost somewhere
In the mix.

The frost icing is sharp
In morning sun.
It's splendid and invites awe.

But it's Queenie
His body writhing in its own
Fire and ice
Who fills my thoughts
This morning.

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

December 4, 1919, Heartbreak, Arkansas

Today, December 4, would have been the 99th birthday of my father, Herschel Woods. He was a good man, but not as simple as most supposed. A man of few words does not mean he does not understand speech, nor speaker. My dad was a provider, a protector, a leader. Men looked to his wisdom when it was decision time. My dad was a warrior. But he kept his pain silent, a prisoner tightly guarded, until one afternoon he paroled his pain, and poured it out with me. I am proud to have come from him; to share his DNA. I am a poor copy of the original. I did not lose dad. I know where he is, and I will fall into his embrace again, some good day. But I miss him terribly. Every reminder of him makes me stand taller. Narrow my focus. Get it done no matter the hour. Then go home with the radio pounding, and the air howling in the racks and ladders. Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you.