is that the one?*

Every pill I take is a bullet
fired right into my brain.
the damage is consistent.
it will leave me dead or insane.

i fall back into my bed
waiting for the pills to tame the pain.
sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
either way i fry in this flame.

i examine each one carefully
wondering if that is the one
that will shove me across the line
and declare that i am done.

damn this injury, and damn this burn
and, for not knowing what to do
you may say
damn me too.

*TBI's don't show on the outside. But on the inside they can make wailing misery.

 

Master of the Obvious...65

A man is not fully awakened until he's homesick for a place he's never been.

Wounds

Wounds

Not all wounds are bloody.

Not every wound is seen.
There are those less obvious.
Some wounds may seem clean.

Every wound has shrapnel.
Some are deeply slashed and broken.
Some wounds are gory.
Some wear them as a token.

I've seen wounds in others
and I've found a few in me.
I don't want to look too closely. 
I don't really want to see.

Some hide their wounds expertly
so others will never know.
But eventually they'll succumb
to the poison's fatal flow.

Some treat their wounds with great care
being careful to ease their pain.

But some, like others will perish
like late winter's snow pelted by rain.

We are all a wounded people.
If you could look out from my eyes
you would see a ghastly vision.
You see, everybody dies.

Redemption

Confession is a difficult process.
At least it is for me.
It wells up from the gut
and I fall upon my knees.

All my life is open
like pages from a book
and He absorbs every word.
It is no casual look.

I wait upon my sentence.
It will be accompanied by pain.
Maybe a noose around my neck
and I'll be hanged out in the rain.

Words are somehow caught
deep down in my throat.
But the price for my redemption
is inked in the blood He wrote.

I am prepared to pay the price
for all the wrong I have done.
But in a loving voice He tells me
it's been paid for by the Son!

In the flash of an atom
I am helped up to my feet.
I am wrapped in a princely robe
and I and friends given a calf to eat.

There are rings upon my fingers.
The Father says 'My Son has come back home.'
There is a room prepared for me
and I know I'll never roam.

What glory is the story!
Prodigals all are we.
But the Father loves the sinner.
Come to Him and see.

Master of the Obvious...64

Every man is hard wired to fall in love with any woman in a sun dress.

Let the Rain Clouds Weep*

Bury me on a cloudy day
and let the rain clouds weep for me.
Let the streams flow into rivers
and the rivers to the sea.

Let your sorrow go as well.
It fits neither me nor you.
We spent our moments loving
so let your tears roll down too.

We laughed together, did we not?
We lived life fierce and well.
Our footprints are smoothed away
but our deeds ring out, as bells.

Tell our many stories, laughing!
Let them be full-hearted and loud.
Then think on me no more.
I go to my home beyond the clouds.



* If you are like me, the matter of death has different perspectives. The poem following this is maudlin. Uneasy. This poem, which much better reflects my genuine view, is the more-accurate me. I just, for posterities sake, thought you should know.

Gone Home

it started this morning
when I was alone
the text just said
my friend had "gone home."

I understand that's a way
to more softly say someone died.
but to couch it like "gone home"
it kinda felt like that text lied.

no one's pain is really eased
by poetic metaphors and things.
no matter how you try to say it
the reality is death stings!

we make sure the departed's hair's right
and that lots of flowers fill the room.
but any way you cut it
it all ends up in the tomb.

I try my best to avoid funerals..
for too long, they are a brutal memory.
but, any way you slice it, pal
eventually death is comin' after me!

Everything's About Me*

married at 19
I thought I was gonna die.
a jungle war was waiting
and I never thought to reason why.

I needed to leave something behind.
I wanted to leave a broken heart
maybe as proof that I was here
but I mixed up the finish from the start.

however, Uncle never called
and soon we had a child.
surprised the hell outta me!
I may have been a little wild.

I labored seven years
toward a hard-earned college degree.
my future ex complained
everything was all about me.

so we spent 28 years
trying to figure things out.
we didn't know how to talk
but we both learned how to shout.

after the divorce I went down a rabbit hole
for 2 or 3 painful years.
but there wasn't anyone for me there
and I crawled away in tears.

a lot of years were given to police
and I was so happy to learn to serve.
I did a lotta hard things
that took a lotta nerve.

in the process of flying apart
my daughter couldn't bear what I became.
we haven't talked in 7 years
'cuz when everything's about me, I'm the one to blame.

my other child, my rock and anchor
became a successful business man.
but it's sometimes hard being with him.
he runs with the big dogs, while I do well to stand.

almost lost my life twice
as my body began breaking down.
I'm likely to die in my bed
and then they'll put me in the ground.

so, friend please don't inquire
about my life's work or legacy.
that's a sore subject.
'cuz everything's always about me.


* Yep. True story. (The part about my daughter hurts the most, but like everything in life, you find ways to deal with it. My way is ignoring it, since I was never made aware of the "charges" against me! So, yeah. It really hurts.)

Warrior in Jeans

I never charge into the high grass
or wade into a cornfield.
I always armor-up
put on my helmet
and be sure to take my battle shield.

there's never time for foolishness
nor drop my guard for no good reason.
I know what's behind me
and what's ahead.
I know the terrain and changing seasons.

I collect all the data there's to know
and I prepare my heart and mind
making certain of the reasons
for my actions and my goals
uncovering all there is to find.

last, but not least I make sure
I have an exit plan.
know where the doors are
who guards them
and be sure I've done all to understand.

I'm a simple man that doesn't turn heads.
I don't dress to impress.
there's nothing about me remarkable
and nothing to draw attention.
I'm just in town to clean up the mess.


 

Master of the Obvious...63

A wise man knows the depth of the river, and the strength of the current.