Mercy Flows

Burning
Sharp pain
Stabs my body
In morning’s pale light
And I whimper
Into my pillow
Unwilling to set my feet
To the floor.

But I do.

Pressure
Against my sternum
Sucks the breath
From my lungs
And
For a moment
The world tears loose
Spinning and somersaulting.

Pouring a cocktail
Of little pills
Into a palm
I choke them down
Without water
Unwilling
To take time
To travel to the faucet.

I am intimate with pain.
I know I am not alone.
But it is for myself I groan.

I have stopped begging God
For commutation
From this life sentence.
Instead
I acknowledge
The wretched thief, liar
And hypocrite
I am
Struggling toward Golgotha
Knowing mercy flows there.