Before the Storm*

Before the storm
I was strong.

I was able.
I stood in the blade
Of the wind
Determined to prevail
To outlast the adversary
To overcome.

Before the storm.

I was a shelter to the suffering.
I accepted risk
Ready to pay the cost
To foot the bill.

Before the storm.

I gave solace.
I listened to tales
Of woe
The storied accounts
Of losses.
I staunched others' bitter tears
Soothing disabilities
Encouraging others to rise again.

Before the storm.

Then came the high noon battle
When I was stricken
Like a scythe strikes wheat
Casting it down
As though it never were.

I could not imagine
I would fall
As desperate as those I once
Bandaged.

I did not count the extreme cost
Demanded.
I never dreamed the severity
Of the injury inflicted
That would stitch me for so long
To my bed.

I daily make effort to rise
But my legs often are unsure
My arms weak
My heart uncertain.

Searing pain exalts itself
Declaring a new regime
And I tremble sometime
Looking inevitably
For a soft place to fall.

I remember the man I was
Longing for a return
To strength
To honor
To usefulness
To become again the soldier I was

Before the storm.


* There are 19 uses of the personal pronoun "I" in this freestyle poem. There is no question how utterly self-centered is this work, and it is more than a little embarrassing. It nearly did not meet my standards for inclusion in this blog. The only reason it is included is that I believe many others feel as I do, that pain (of any variety) is far more disabling and difficult than imagined before the injury was experienced. Following that event a season of grieving naturally follows. It may be swift, and a return to health speedy. Or, as in my case, that grief may be extended. The challenge is to find a way to be productive, and reasonably adjusted to whatever quality of life may follow. My injury is not obvious. The casual observer would never note what has happened. But the pain dealt me is disabling. To my fellow sufferers, I wish you health. I wish you recovery. And I hope you keep on keeping on. ~ James