The Badge, the Uniform, the End of Days

Several years ago I created this site as an outlet for my poetry and prose. My intention was, and is, to maintain that endeavor. But sometimes events occur about which I cannot be silent. Such is the case with the assassination of two New York police officers, who were simply sitting in their squad car, on a "10-7"…having their lunch.
Officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos loved their city, and were committed to its welfare. Officer Liu was married two weeks earlier. Officer Ramos’ thirteen year old son made a public statement saying he’d had the “best dad in the world.” There are no words equal to the loss in describing the horror of these killings.
As many of you know, I wore a police uniform for 22 years. I was not a patrol officer, or detective. I was a badged and uniformed chaplain. I was the one who knocked on your door at 2:00 a.m. to inform you your teenager had been killed in an accident. I was the one standing beside the dead bodies, waiting for the Medical Examiner to give me something to tell the survivors. I wore my uniform proudly. I loved my city, its citizenry, and the men and women with whom I served.
In that time, I conducted four police funerals, one officer dead by his own hand, having indicated he could no longer face those things officers experience every day. I removed my badge and retired my uniform, when I began to experience severe symptoms of PTSD. When it became obvious I was not going to get better I knew it was time to step back.
Last night I asked my family what they would think were I to return to duty. Their response? “No! You would just get shot.” What an awful contemplation forced upon the family of one who simply wants to serve. I have been shot at, though at the time I was just an unfortunate pedestrian caught in a cross fire. It was over in seconds, but for the next half hour I sat on the curb, throwing up and shaking. Liu and Ramos likely never saw their attacker. They had no opportunity to defend themselves.
Days before their murder, activists led a crowd loudly chanting, “What do we want? DEAD COPS! When do we want it? NOW!” There has been no strong language coming from the White House or Justice Department to come alongside police officers who just want to do their jobs and return home at the end of their shift. Nothing. The best that has been offered is tepid compared to the strong language supporting offenders. Were I young again, and contemplating a career, the very notion of entering law enforcement would be laughable. In terms of "Line of Duty Deaths," it's less dangerous to be an infantryman in Afghanistan that it is to be a beat officer in any major American city. You may laugh at that statement. I hope I'm wrong. I'm not.
Pray for the families of Officer Liu and Officer Ramos. Pray that the "Thin Blue Line" that remains the only barrier between uncontrollable violence and your loved ones, remain intact, and safe. Approach an officer (slowly and carefully, as they are hyper-vigilant now) and thank them for their service. Folks, it is going to get worse. It is not going to get better. Our poor land has already tipped over the edge, and there is no return to Mayberry. There are no longer any Sheriff Andys or Deputy Fifes. There are only heroic and embattled law enforcement officers. Are there any bad cops? Sure. Just as there are bad taxi drivers and bad garbage haulers. But I must cast my lot somewhere. I cast it with my fraternity in blue, confident that the vast numbers of them are good people doing an impossible job. I hope you agree. If you do not, then the next time you need help...call a thug.
I tell you, this world is, to me, a Picasso. All the familiar lines have been skewed. Nothing makes sense. Well, that’s not entirely true. There is one thing that makes perfect sense. It makes sense that I have permanently retired my badge and uniform.

Sadly,
James

PS....Five hours after this post I discovered the Line of Duty Deaths of six officers, nationally, just in the month of December. One was murdered by a handgun, in Florida. Four others in pursuits and vehicular accidents, and one murdered while transporting a prisoner. And so the story goes.
PS2....Flagstaff, AZ, Officer Tyler Stewart was gunned down and killed last Saturday, when he calmly asked a Domestic Violence suspect permission to pat him down. After being wounded, and on the ground, the officer was repeatedly shot until dead. News services offer no detail concerning Stewart's family. He is the second northern Arizona officer killed in the Line of Duty. The first was killed after a traffic stop involving a vehicle with too-loud a stereo disrupting a neighborhood.
PS3.....After the New Year I have no intention of updating the numbers of firings on law enforcement officers. This site is not for that purpose. But until we cross that magic line at midnight, Wednesday, I will provide those troubling, grim statistics. Last night two Los Angeles officers were fired upon while in their squad car. A man with a rifle and a handgun was arrested and charged. Thankfully, even with a rifle, the suspect was a horrible shot. But even horrible shots, when they miss, sometimes kill innocents, like the little girl that was killed while sitting on the front steps of her grandmother's home.
PS4.....On Tuesday, Dec. 30, six Boston teenagers attacked two officers as the officers made an arrest in an apartment building, sending the officers to the hospital. Trend, anyone?