Not That Simple

I can’t tell you
How I got here.
My life is not a story
With plot and design.

It’s not that simple.

It began before
My beginning
And will continue
After my ending.

I am the product
Of other’s desire
Choices made
Without my consultation.

All I wanted
Is little more than gravel
Along the roadside
Of what came before.

I am the forward progression
Of wishes
Voiced in darkness
Through lips I never kissed.

But I am not benign.

Those coming behind me
Are following pathways
I cleared
Across rivers I forged.

I know the names of some
But not all.

I think it wonderful
That someday
They will tell you
What I now do.

I can’t tell you
How I got here.
My life is not a story
With plot and design.

It’s not that simple.

To My Readers

April has been a month of trouble. I became very ill, for most of the month. I am better now, but it has not been a month of productivity. Let's hope for a better May!

Deeply Sorry

I’m sorry
Deeply sorry
For pain I’ve caused
For hurt I’ve inflicted.

I wish
I could begin again…
But I’d make the same
Mistakes
The same judgments
Given similar circumstances.

I am flawed
Deeply flawed
And unable to effect
The change
I desire.

I’m troubled
Deeply troubled
In my skin.

I have never found
The balance required
Between healing
And hurting.

I wish
I could tell you
I am unfettered
By a past
That follows
Like a shadow.
But I am fastened
To memories and mistakes.

My flesh condemns me.

I’m sorry
Deeply sorry
For pain I’ve caused
For hurt I’ve inflicted.