Doctor Hooker’s Elixir of Life

Step right up!
Don’t be bashful, sir!
Doctor Hooker’s Elixir of Life
Is the Balm of Gilead!
It’s good for every ailment
Common to man!
It restores hair to the balding head!
Regenerates the liver!
Cures gastric maladies!
Steadies the pulse!
Promotes good digestion!
And invigorates the love life!

Sir, there are diseases this elixir will cure
That have yet to be invented!
It is simply that good!

Made from the purest elements
Of God’s amazing universe
Doctor Hooker’s Elixir of Life
Is the very nectar of the gods, sir!

You need a bottle, sir!
Buy one, get one!
Buy three, get six!
And I can see you are a prudent man, sir...
I can let you have an entire case
Of Doctor Hooker’s Elixir of Life
For the paltry sum of half off the whole lot, sir!

You want it!
You need it!
You simply must take
Doctor Hooker’s Elixir of Life
Home today, sir!
The little lady will be glad you did, sir!
Yes, sir.
Very glad, indeed!

And she was.
The funeral is Friday at noon.