Five Minutes

Do it
The inner voice said.
You know you can
It insisted.

The ledge was ice packed
And only accessed
Through a maze
Of electric wires.

If you walk away
You’ll always feel a failure.
You’ll never know
If you could have completed
The job.

I sat in my truck
My hands under the heater
Staring at the icy ledge
Thirty feet in the air.

If I survived the electric lines
I might yet slip from the ice.
I would fall through those deadly
Wires.
I would be dead before
I hit the ground.

Do it
The inner voice said.
You know you can
It insisted.

I closed my eyes and prayed.
My hands trembled.
I felt light-headed.
My stomach churned.

Do it
The inner voice said.
You know you can
It insisted.

There were bills to pay.
My baby needed formula.
My family needed food.

I pulled on my gloves.
I strapped on my belt.
I tightened my boot laces.
I walked to the metal ladder.
I looked up at the crisscrossing wires.
I focused on the ledge of ice.

Thirty feet is not far.
Thirty feet can be lethal.
Electricity will be fatal.
It will all be over in five minutes.

Do it
The inner voice said.
You know you can
It insisted.

I thought of a co-worker
Who fell through the wires.
I remembered his widow.

Five minutes.
Thirty eight years ago.